A Fitting Tribute: Celebrating a Mother who showed her son how to succeed in life

Written by Rodney D. Coates

Inspiration

A little more than a week ago my mother passed, and while I am saddened that I will no longer have her to talk to, I am more than happy to celebrate her life. I am, if nothing else, a momma’s boy and as such have benefited not only from a mother’s love but wisdom as well.

So, in this space, I will not mourn her loss but enjoy her memories. Not only do I owe her my life, but it was my mother that showed me how to succeed with her two-handed response to my own personal failures.

Why is it that those who are most gifted seem to have the most difficulty bringing these gifts forward? As a child I was ever getting into trouble, under-performing, and finding every conceivable excuse for failure. Floundering in a sea of drugs, denial and defeatism, I saw little use in trying, where life itself was increasingly unbearable. While my mother consistently spoke encouragement, it was her actions that proved to be the most effective.

Seeing me fall into an intractable well of self-pity, self-double and self-centeredness, my mother responded in the strangest of ways. Having retired early, after raising three sons, at the tender age of 45, she decided to enroll into college. There, she pursued a childhood dream of becoming a teacher. And within five years she had not only completed her bachelor’s but also a master’s in education.

Oddly, her MA thesis had to do with challenging the gifted child. I wonder who she had in mind as she wrote this. Shortly after obtaining her master’s, my mother began a second career as a teacher in the St. Louis Public School system in early childhood education.

As I witnessed her remarkable progress, I began to question my own lack of motivation and continual malaise. I confronted her, asking why she had done this when she was comfortably retired. Her response:

“I saw all of your gifts wasting away; I saw your life being squandered. I had to do something. I figured if you saw your old mother going to school and being successful, what excuses could you-still in your 20s-have for not doing the same?”

Nothing she could have said would have had the same impact as this. But not deterred, I was gifted at finding excuses for failure and justifications for procrastination. Undaunted, I replied, “But, Mom, I can’t afford to go.”

And then she dropped the other shoe: “Then I will take the salary I earn as a teacher to help you pay your tuition and expenses.” Trapped, I re-enrolled in school.

Each hurdle, my mother was there-through example and tangible expressions of support. Thus, my mother’s example and encouragement pushed me to go further than I even dared to dream. As I walked across the stage to obtain my Ph.D., my mother’s eyes streamed with tears and pride.

And so, rather than mourn my mother’s death, I celebrate her life and her two-handed response to my failure.

Rodney D. Coates is a professor of sociology and black world studies at Miami University in Oxford, Ohio. He can be reached at coatesrd@muohio.edu.

This article is reprinted with permission from Dr. Coates; it originally appeared in The Cincinnati Enquirer, March 2, 2008.