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Boomerang Discipline

By Sharon K Trumpy

Humor

Deciding how to discipline a preschooler can be confusing and overwhelming. Should you go with the age-old 1-2-3 method? Follow Supernanny's advice and establish a naughty corner? Do you take away privileges, give choices, issue warnings, raise your voice, swat bottoms?

Whichever method you subscribe to, the goal seems to be the same. Encourage good behavior and deter bad behavior. Seems easy enough, I think to myself before it all falls to pieces.

When Melissa called to invite us over for a play date, she mentioned that Cameron should wear a swim suit. "We have a little water slide in the yard," she said. As we approached her backyard, the "little" water slide came in to view. It was a towering inflatable, complete with water cannons and a splash pool. The slide was so out of proportion with the small yard and the even smaller boys that it was positively cartoonish.

With cries of glee, Cameron and Carter clambered up the slippery steps. At the top, Carter leapt into the air, landing with at bounce on the slick slide. Melissa and I gasped in horror - just a few inches higher and Carter could have tumbled to the hard ground below. "Boys," Melissa warned, "no jumping on the slide! Sit down."

But each time Cameron or Carter reached the top of the slide they were so overcome with excitement that they couldn't stop to sit. They had to jump! "Jumping on the slide is dangerous," I explained again and again. "I don't want you to get hurt!" Eye contact, low tone of voice, give an explanation. I'm a natural at discipline!

"OK, Mommy," Cameron panted before hurrying up the ladder again and taking a joyous jump. Alright. This calls for a clear warning and a logical consequence.

I was waiting at the bottom as he splashed into the pool. "Cameron," I said from between clenched teeth. "I have warned you several times. Jumping on the slide is dangerous. If you jump again, we will be going home." He was stunned at the unfairness of it all but I was confident. Surely this will be an effective deterrent.

"OK, Mommy. I won't jump anymore." He walked slowly and solemnly to the stairs. Yep, I really laid down the law.

Just then, Cameron reached the top. He stood, stared down at me stonily and then, slowly, purposefully, he lifted the water cannon to shoot a cold jet of water straight at me. Even as I bellowed his name he continued the assault until, finally, he dropped the cannon and gave a yell, an "ARRRGHHHH!" from a place of deep frustration and powerlessness. He slid down, already sobbing, while I proffered apologies to Melissa. I loaded a dripping, screaming Cameron in the car as I seethed silently. Finally, miles later, he quieted and I calmed down enough to attempt to salvage the situation. OK, the afternoon didn't go well. But we can still learn a valuable lesson here.

And so I began to explain to Cameron that when he is well-behaved, Mommy is nice and he is happy. When he doesn't behave, Mommy gives him a consequence and he is unhappy. Thus, good behavior is in his own best interest. Way to go, Sharon! You gave him a warning, you followed through and now you are helping him understand the consequences of his behavior.

To illustrate my point, we discussed some of the day's events. "Cameron," I asked, "How did you feel when you behaved during the car ride to Carter's house?"

"Good!" came his response.

"You got it!" I enthused. "You behaved, I was proud of you, and you felt happy! How did you feel when you didn't listen?"

"Well," said Cameron, "I felt bad, because you were mean to me and made me get off the slide."
"Right. So, you didn't behave, you got a consequence, and you felt bad." This is going perfectly.

"So," I continued, "How did you feel when you squirted me?"

Cameron's reply was immediate. "I felt good!"

And thus ended my career as a parenting expert. Sadly, I will not be authoring a thick volume full of sage advice and easy discipline methods. My face will not grace the glossy cover of "Diva of Discipline: Effective Techniques from Everyone's Favorite Mom!" Instead, I'll be heading to the library to pick up the latest from Jo Frost, William Sears and anybody else who knows more than I do.

Sharon K. Trumpy is the proud mother of two boys, ages five and one. She hopes to have perfected the art of discipline by the time her baby is going on play dates.