My Bittersweet Valentine

Written by Jen Thursday, 12 February 2009 22:39

Blog

For days I've tried to compose something eloquent about Valentine's Day. Then I tried to write something humorous. Then I tried inspiration. Nothing. Nada. I asked myself why this task is so difficult and realized that Valentine's Day is a day of conflicting emotions for me, especially this year.

I always loved February 14th as a kid. My friends and I painstakingly chose the perfect valentine for each classmate, and the not-even-remotely mushy ones for the boys in the class we were told had to be included. We glopped plenty of glue and glitter and paper hearts on a shoebox which we then stuffed with the candy hearts and goofy cards we received (many featuring Batman and teddy bears). Then we'd go through them one by one, over and over, before we forgot about them and Mom finally tossed them in the trash sometime around June.

By the time I was a teen, Valentine's Day meant the annual semiformal dance, scrambling for a date and finding a dress. I remember getting flowers from a special boy and sending a care package to a boyfriend away at college. A few years later I made a giant heart cookie for my sweetheart, who later became my husband.

But the years after that are a blank. My memory void of Valentine's Days past defies explanation other than they are not worth recalling. Like many women, I dismissed it as a fabricated holiday but secretly delighted in choosing--and receiving---the perfect card or favorite chocolate.

Then I became a mother for the first time in the wee morning hours of Valentine's Day, 1992 and the holiday changed forever. The hospital isolette was decorated with pink hearts and I remember thinking how sweet that was and how my little guy's Valentine's Day would always be so special. I didn't realize how much the day would mean to me as the years passed.

Sharing a birthday with Cupid has been challenging, especially for a kid with food allergies who couldn't partake of the classroom party goodies. Still, I had fun making a heart-shaped cake every year, until he turned ten and asked me as only a ten-year-old boy can, "Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings but can we not do the heart thing anymore?" Got it. Loud and clear.

This year, the beginning of the sentence was slightly different but the message (I'm growing up) was the same. "Mom, I don't want to hurt your feelings but would you mind if we skip the birthday dinner?" You see, this holiday celebration will be shared with his own Valentine, and she is a lot younger and cuter than mom. They'll return for dessert, "of course," he said, though blueberry cobbler has replaced cake as his birthday treat. I smiled and agreed. Yes, of course.

My husband suggested that we have our own Valentine's Day dinner for the first time in nearly two decades. We may even invite our children who are not yet so grown up, or maybe not. Perhaps it's time we developed our own tradition for this day.