Parenting
Wanted: Good Sports
By Jennifer Redmond
Parenting
Spring brings ‘em out. I’m not talking about daffodils, gnats or ambitious gardeners. What’s multiplying in communities across the country are children’s sports teams led by energized volunteer coaches, their enthusiastic fans marching beside them toting lawn chairs and sunscreen.
Dads seem to relish the coaching job, but there are many mothers who take up their whistles and, ball caps in hand, head to the field or the track to coax, prod, encourage, chide and sometimes even scream at the fledgling athletes in their charge. Parents on the sidelines can do a lot of screaming too, but it’s not always the positive sort.
With more than 16 years of experience parenting three children, I’ve seen it all, or at least most of it when it comes to coaching and sideline behavior. My children have participated in a variety of sports ranging from football and baseball to track and field, martial arts and soccer. We’ve dabbled in swimming and gymnastics, among others. No hockey, though. Or curling. We missed those. Well, not really.
Recently my teen son announced that he just might be a track coach someday. Huh?
Is this the same child who referred to track practice as “suffering?” A decent athlete who admits that he runs more for health benefits and social opportunities than for the love of the race, I was more than a bit shocked by his comment.
But there is more to this story. He went on to explain that he’d be the kind of coach who encourages. He’d make his athletes feel good about themselves, not tear them down. Had my son done something spectacular that day at practice? No. A good coach had simply recognized his effort and given him a pat on the back and a kind word.
Attitude Matters
But it can work the other way around, too. A good sports experience can be character-building, and that purpose and positive way of thinking really does funnel down through an organization’s administrators to its coaches, athletes and their parents. For a plethora of information on the upside of youth sports, just check out www.positivecoach.org, the website for the Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA).
This impressive organization’s mission is to “transform youth sports so sports can transform youth,” and they’ve been busy doing just that since 1998. What began as a small nonprofit within Stanford University’s Athletic Department has reached 200,000 coaches and three million youth athletes throughout the country.
Web Resources
The “free tips and tools” page of the Positive Coaching Alliance website (www.positivecoach.org) is a great place to begin gathering information. Also, check out Play Like a Champion Today ™Sports as Ministry Program and Educational Series (www.playlikeachampion.org), a program offered through the University of Notre Dame for Catholic sports programs. Pay particular attention to PLC’s “every child plays” philosophy.David Jacobson, Marketing Communications Manager for PCA, is enthusiastic about the group’s intention to spread the concept of “double-goal coaches, second-goal parents and triple-impact competitors,” the mainstays of founder and author Jim Thompson’s positive-coaching methods. Thompson’s strategies focus on exactly what we need in today’s sports culture: motivation and character, all while honoring the game.
Because no national standard exists, PCA is digging into this project one sports club at a time. PCA trainers sponsor workshops for administrators, coaches and parents within a sports organization. “The curriculum is based in sports psychology research,” says Jacobson. The workshops train coaches “how to create an environment that teaches life lessons.” Parents assist in helping their athletes learn those life lessons. The result is triple-impact competitors who strive to improve themselves, their teammates and their sport, explains Jacobson.
After training is complete, PCA keeps in touch with each organization to assess its progress and provide tools for reinforcing goals. Constant bombardment of the positive-coaching message is necessary to change the culture. “To combat the win-at-at-costs mentality it takes a lot of stimulus,” admits Jacobson. But success is certainly evident in the testimonials of PCA’s national partners, which include U.S. Club Soccer, Little League International and U.S. Lacrosse.
Jacobson admits, “There is no single youth sports organization that gets it right 100-percent of the time.” Still, kudos to PCA for trying to improve the odds.
Parents Make a Difference
In a perfect world, every youth sports organization could afford PCA’s services. In reality, it’s going to take parents like us to tout the benefits of positive coaching, behave like rational adults on the sidelines and hold accountable those who foster the win-at-all-costs mentality.Who knows why dads go berserk tracking their fourth-grader’s baseball stats? What makes a parent threaten to ground her son if he strikes out at bat (true story)? Why would someone demand that a five-year-old spend more than two days a week on the field to adequately learn the “basics” of t-ball? But it happens. So let’s demand a better way and teach our kids that there’s more to life than winning.
And while really knowing the sport is more than a little helpful if kids are to master the fundamentals, a coach can be an expert strategist or trainer and a jerk as well. For some inexplicable reason the jerk side always seems to take over in the heat of competition. Ditto for parental behavior. If you played competitive high school soccer, you should probably duct tape your mouth shut while at your child’s game.
We can help, certainly, by volunteering or thanking those who do. Most coaches at the grade-school level, and frequently in high school sports, are volunteers. And may God bless them for their efforts. My husband has coached a number of sports and academic activities so I know it's no small feat for the entire family. Every parent should be thankful for anyone willing to step forward and take on this daunting task. When a coach is good (meaning firm yet encouraging and kind), double thanks is due.
Put it in Perspective
Learning and exercise are the primary purposes of childhood sports, not preparing a seventh-grader for the NBA. Parents need to lower their expectations of sports prowess and focus on what’s important.
Really, how many kids get that full ride to college for their performance on the court? And how many boys and girls need to master reading in order to function in our society? Yet, many parents will push sports while academics suffer. Then we wonder why our children glorify athletes and are uninspired students.
What’s Best for My Child?
To choose an appropriate sports program, David Jacobson of PCA recommends that parents do the following:
● Inquire about the philosophy of the organization and the training coaches receive.
● Honestly ask yourself what you want for your child.
●Priorize! What are your values? Where will your child and your family be comfortable? Knowing what you want and what is most important will help you decide whether Junior would do best in an elite sports academy or a more relaxed atmosphere.
Sports are important but it’s really not the end of the world if your child isn’t a stellar athlete. Education matters. Character matters most of all. Ideally, both can thrive and improve through sports-if the atmosphere is right.
Admittedly, I don’t fully comprehend the rules to several of the sports my children have played. And I honestly don’t care. I enjoy the fact that they’re exercising and having fun. They’re learning to work with their peers and stretch their own expectations of themselves. They’re learning perseverance and how to be gracious in victory as well as in defeat. I’m thankful that they can run and jump and play. I pray that they don’t get hurt, triumph in their accomplishments and mourn with them (briefly) when the big game is lost.
Whether you’re an enthusiastic coach or the loudest cheerleader in the stands, please keep it positive when your kids hit the field this year. Your attitude…and your priorities…make a difference. Be a good sport.
