Raising Boys a Challenge

Written by Jen Monday, 26 January 2009 00:00

Blog

I heard Dr. Meg Meeker interviewed on the radio this morning about her new book, Boys Should be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons. She made some very interesting points and since my husband is a fan of her book Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters, I listened carefully.

She asserts what many of us with sons have known for years: boys and girls are different and, hey, it's actually GOOD to be a boy and act like a boy! Stereotypes aside, I know from raising both boys and girls that yes, boys can be more aggressive and louder than girls. And as a group they do tend to learn differently. (Have you ever tried to corral a group of cub scouts?) This doesn't have to be bad, you know.

At some point in my sons' primary school days one of them came home and expressed very distinctly that "they want us to act like girls." Not really, but he made his point. Ask a teacher or school administrator who is reprimanded most often for disciplinary infractions. Those I've spoken with say that boys lead the list.

Are boys really acting out more in class? Are society's expectations different for them than for their female counterparts? Is it easier for girls to sit still and quietly pay attention for hours at a time? How do we get those rambunctious little guys to channel their energies appropriately? During our time we have seen women grow in confidence and power, and I would argue that most of us parents are aware of our own efforts-and the educational system's efforts--to encourage our daughters.

So what happens to the boys?

Don't look here for the answers. I'm as guilty as everybody else. When my daughter received a play dishwasher (please don't write me about "girl" toys; this isn't the point), she actually used it as such, placing her plastic dishes and cups inside, pretending to turn it on and off. My boys took one glance at it and used the inside as a ramp to ricochet their hot wheels® cars into the air, whooping with glee every time the corvette became airborne. I sighed with frustration, wishing that they would just use one toy as it was designed to be used.

When it was time to head to high school, we were careful to send them where we knew they would be celebrated as boys and encouraged to grow into strong, caring men. For the first few weeks my husband and I noticed that their school day sounded like a lot of pizza eating and running around outdoors, and that's true. Folks there are pretty smart. They've learned that boys need adjustment time, fuel and frequent movement. And when they get down to business, it's serious business. The work hard/play hard message has definitely affected their home life and their study habits. I hope and pray that they will continue to exercise their bodies and minds wisely.

Friends, I leave you with a question for discussion: Given our current culture, how do we raise boys to be wise, confident and truly good men?