Turning Hardship into Hope

Written by Inspired Mother Staff

Parenting

Reality often collides with childhood in an uncomfortable way for parents. During this holiday season, the clash is particularly jarring for many families. Santa's elves might be in the unemployment line.

How do you explain the loss of a job? What is the appropriate way to talk with kids about finances? How can you empower rather than frighten children when times are tough?

Jamie Mazza, professional counselor, parent coach and mother of two, shares her tips on turning hardship into opportunity. Here's what she says:

►Tell the truth

Children pick up on parental anxiety so come clean. Say something simple like, "Things are a little bit different this year." Convey the message that sometimes life is hard but there is no need for us to panic. Let them know that you'll be ok no matter what. And believe it.

►Look forward by looking back

Help your children remember a time they were disappointed and how they eventually felt better. Talk about what they learned from their experience. Concrete examples are learning tools. "Give them something to hold onto," says Jamie. "Let them know that things will get better."

►Be the anchor

Get a grip on your own emotions so you can be there for your kids. Children will mirror your reaction to stress. Even if you think you're hiding it well, they pick up on subtleties. You might try journaling as a safe outlet for your thoughts and emotions. Write down your feelings and work through problems by brainstorming solutions on paper.

►Revisit cherished traditions

While journaling or through reflection, take note of things that make you feel safe. You may want to revisit a cherished holiday tradition from your own childhood with your children. Jamie notes that she recently taught her tween son to string popcorn. "Tough times have made us slow down," she says. "This isn't all bad."

►EMPOWER your children

Nobody is helpless. A simple feel-good remedy for sadness is making someone else happy. Let kids come up with their own lists of ways to help not only your family, but others. Community service activities are great, as are simple acts of kindness for those around us. Even the youngest child can carry the newspaper to the door for an elderly neighbor. Teens can donate babysitting services for a harried mom or walk a friend's dog.

►Give priceless gifts

Brainstorm gift ideas from the heart with your children. Jamie notes that children can write stories for siblings and cousins, make a book for grandparents or perform extra household chores for parents (particularly good for older children and teens).

►Have faith

"Kids who have some sort of spiritual base seem to do better," says Jamie. With faith in something bigger than yourself comes hope.

Through it all, remember that hard times provide learning opportunities, even for the youngest child. Children learn resilience, and this is crucial for coping with the difficulties they are certain to encounter in life.

"As much as you want to shield them from pain, it can be good," says Jamie.

A former teacher, Jamie Mazza is a mother of two with 15 years of experience as a professional counselor both in private practice and as a parent coach at Beech Acres Parenting Center in Cincinnati, OH. Visit her blog "Does this mean I have become my mother?" at www.MyParentingSource.com.